Intro: Those who have followed the journey of Selene, a sharp economics undergraduate, and his father, a professor of psychology, will fondly remember their enlightening walk through the pine forest, their sail on Mystic Lake, their spring afternoon explorations in the garden, and their visit to Boston University’s Art Galleries. Today, they return to Mystic Lake again, casting their lines—not just for fish but for truth. Let’s join them as their conversation unfolds.
The crisp autumn air danced with the scent of fallen leaves, and golden sunlight rippled across the surface of Mystery Lake. Selene, an economics undergraduate with a knack for unraveling patterns, held his fishing rod steady, mirroring the stillness of the water. Beside him, his father, a professor of psychology, adjusted the line on his reel, his thoughtful demeanor broken occasionally by the mischievous sparkle in his eyes.
“Father,” Selene began, watching the reflection of fiery red leaves in the lake, “I’ve been thinking about praise. Everyone seems to say it’s the key to motivation, yet sometimes it feels like a trap. How can something so positive lead us astray?”
The professor chuckled, casting his line into the shimmering water. “Ah, praise. It’s a bit like the bait we’re using, my son. If delivered carelessly, it might catch the wrong fish—or worse, scare them all away.”
Selene tilted his head, intrigued. “You mean praise can harm?”
His father nodded, leaning back against the wooden seat of their small boat. “Yes, when praise turns into labels—like calling someone ‘talented’ or ‘brilliant’—it risks creating a fixed mindset. It tells people their worth depends solely on their abilities, fixed and unchanging.”
“Like those kids in the study,” Selene added, recalling something he’d read. “When praised for being smart, they avoided challenges, fearing losing their label. But when praised for effort, they embraced challenges.”
The professor smiled, pleased with Selene’s insight. “Exactly! Praise tied to effort encourages a growth mindset—a belief that abilities can expand through dedication and learning. It’s like this lake,” he said, gesturing to the vast expanse. “If you treat it as boundless, you’re more likely to explore its depths. But you’ll never bother casting your line beyond the surface if you think it’s shallow.”
The Burden of Being Brilliant
Selene adjusted his grip on the fishing rod, watching the sunlight glint off the water. “But why does praise for talent feel so heavy?”
His father’s brow furrowed as he reeled in his line, pausing to check the bait. “Imagine being Adam Guettel,” he began. “A genius composer in a family of musical legends praised as the ‘crown prince of musical theater.’ Yet, that very praise became his burden. Instead of freeing him, it shackled him to impossible expectations.”
Selene’s rod twitched, but the fish slipped away. “So, he started avoiding challenges?”
“Yes,” the professor said, nodding. “Much like the students in the study. When they faced doubts about their talent, they felt exposed and withdrew. Guettel once faked losing his voice to escape the pressure. Can you blame him? The weight of praise can be as oppressive as criticism—sometimes worse.”
The Peril and Science of Praise: When Good Intentions Go Awry
As they rowed deeper into the heart of Mystery Lake, the professor tilted his head toward Selene, his tone thoughtful. “Have you ever noticed, my son, how a good intention can sometimes yield unintended harm? Praise, when misplaced, is one such paradox.”
Selene glanced at his father. “You mean when praise undermines motivation instead of fostering it?”
“Exactly,” the professor said, dipping an oar gently into the water. “Take the case of the child who’s always told they’re ‘gifted.’ The praise feels warm and affirming at first, but over time, it becomes a shadow—one they can’t outrun. Instead of striving for growth, they retreat into safety, afraid to risk their precious label.”
He chuckled softly. “It’s like telling a sapling it’s already a mighty oak. How can it grow, knowing the risk of falling short?”
Selene’s curiosity deepened. “Didn’t you mention studies on this? What do they show?”
The professor nodded, his expression thoughtful. “Researchers have found that praising ability—like calling someone ‘smart’—often pushes people toward a fixed mindset. They begin to avoid challenges, fearing failure might tarnish their label. But when we praise effort, everything changes. Students praised for effort are more likely to embrace difficulties, seeing setbacks as stepping stones.”
He continued, his voice carrying both scientific insight and fatherly warmth. “In one study, students were praised for their effort, not only for taking on harder tasks but also for outperforming their peers. They even described tough problems as enjoyable. Can you imagine that?”
Selene smiled, intrigued. “Enjoying a challenge? That sounds revolutionary.”
“It is,” his father said with a nod. “And it’s not just a lesson for students. Teachers, parents, and leaders can transform how others see their potential by framing praise wisely. From praising innate ability to celebrating effort, a simple shift can unlock growth and resilience.”
Praise and the Many Facets of Life
Selene nodded, then asked, “Do you think this applies to more than just academics? What about, say, fitness or beauty?”
The professor’s eyes sparkled. “Oh. Labeling someone as ‘naturally athletic’ or ‘gifted in sports’ in health and fitness can discourage them from putting in consistent effort. They might assume their results should come easily and give up when challenges arise.”
He pointed to the lake’s surface, where ripples spread outward. “It’s the same with beauty. Compliments like ‘You’re so naturally beautiful’ may feel lovely, but they often ignore the effort—the skincare, the discipline, the self-care—that goes into nurturing one’s appearance.”
Selene laughed. “So, you’re saying effort is like the unseen roots of a tree?”
“Exactly, my boy. The deeper the roots, the stronger the tree. This lesson carries into all dimensions of life: mental health, love, spirituality, and even financial and occupational success. Praise for effort reinforces the idea that growth is within our control. Praise for innate traits, however, locks us into a fixed narrative.”
“Effort, whether in beauty, fitness, or any dimension of life, becomes the quiet current that sustains us, reminding us that growth is a journey rather than a destination.”
The Sweet Spot of Effort
The boat rocked as Selene cast his line again. “So, you’re saying effort is the better focus? That sounds almost too simple.”
The professor grinned. “Effort is like the current under this lake—subtle but powerful.”
“Selene nodded, imagining the hidden currents rippling beneath their boat, unseen yet undeniably powerful.”
The professor grinned. When praised for their hard work, students saw setbacks as opportunities to grow. It’s different between saying, ‘You’re so smart’ and ‘You must have worked hard.’ The first builds a pedestal; the second builds a ladder.” The first erect a pedestal; the second lays down a ladder—one inspires stasis, the other invites ascent.”
Selene chuckled. “And ladders are more useful than pedestals when you want to climb.”
“Precisely,” his father said, pointing to a nearby heron perched gracefully on the shore. “Even nature teaches us this. That heron doesn’t catch fish by being ‘gifted’; it succeeds because it’s patient and adaptable. Effort sustains, but labels trap.” “Effort is the foundation that sustains growth, while labels become the walls that confine it.”
Selene tilted his head, curious. “So, if praising effort leads to growth and praising talent traps people, how do we strike the right balance, Father?”
The professor smiled. “It’s a delicate art, Selene. Imagine you’re praising someone learning to fish. Instead of saying, ‘You’re a natural,’ you might say, ‘I admire how patiently you’re trying different techniques.’ That way, you’re spotlighting their effort, not just the outcome. Praise should encourage exploration, not fear of falling short.”
When Praise Becomes Poison
They sat in silence for a while; the only sound was the whisper of the wind and the occasional splash of a fish. Selene broke the stillness. “But isn’t praise supposed to build confidence? What’s the alternative—no encouragement at all?”
“Not at all,” his father replied, his voice soft yet firm. “It’s about how we deliver it. Praise should inspire autonomy, not dependency. It should say, ‘You can do it,’ not ‘You are it.'”
Selene leaned forward, intrigued. “And what about helping people stay motivated without leaning on constant praise?”
The professor’s eyes sparkled. “Praise should be like the ripples on this lake—not overwhelming, but subtle, encouraging reflection. Instead of saying, ‘You’re so good at this,’ try, ‘How do you think your effort paid off here?’ That way, they start finding their sources of pride. True growth lies in discovering strength within, not in relying on applause.”
He paused, his eyes scanning the horizon. “Think of the Gusii people in Kenya. They rarely praise their children outright, yet they learn by observing and doing, not for approval but for mastery. It’s a lesson we’ve largely forgotten in our culture of constant validation.”
“Even in the workplace, overly effusive praise can feel like currency, transactional and fleeting. True encouragement fosters growth by valuing effort over outcomes, much like the Gusii people’s approach to mastery.”
Selene looked thoughtful. “So, praise should be like seasoning—used sparingly and with intention?”
“Exactly!” the professor exclaimed. “Overuse it, and you spoil the dish. But applied thoughtfully, it enhances the natural flavor of growth.”
The Larger Picture
The day wore on, and as the sun dipped lower, Selene cast a final question into the air. “So, Father, is there ever a time when labels are useful?”
His father stroked his chin as though considering a complex puzzle. “Labels can guide, but they should never be defined. Think of them as trail markers—they tell you where you’ve been, not where you’re going.”
“Think of labels as trail markers—they guide but do not define. They are fleeting signposts in a vast forest, reminding us of where we’ve been but never dictating where we must go.”
He gestured to the golden trees encircling the lake. “Growth is a journey, Selene. “Growth, Selene, is a journey through uncharted waters, navigating setbacks, embracing effort, and discovering joy along the way.” It’s about navigating setbacks, embracing effort, and finding joy. Whether in relationships, careers, or even our connection to the environment, the same principles apply. Praise should lift us, not tether us.”
Selene smiled, the weight of the conversation settling comfortably in his mind. “So, the goal isn’t to avoid praise but to wield it wisely?”
“Yes,” his father said, a twinkle returning to his eye. “Like the perfect cast of a fishing line—it’s all about precision and timing.”
As they rowed back to shore, the lake mirrored the fiery hues of the autumn sky, a living metaphor for their discussion. Growth, like fishing, requires patience, effort, and a willingness to dive into the unknown. And in that quiet, golden hour, both father and son promised deeper understanding, not just of praise but of the profound currents that shape us all.
Mythology and the Wisdom of Ancient Tales
The boat drifted into a quiet cove, and Selene leaned back, watching the autumn leaves float by. “Father, you always connect these ideas to something bigger—nature, science, or even mythology. Do you think stories can teach us about praise?”
The professor’s face lit up. “Ah, mythology! One of humanity’s oldest mirrors. Take the story of Narcissus, for instance. Praise for his beauty trapped him in his reflection, unable to grow beyond it. Praise became his prison.”
Selene raised an eyebrow. “Are you suggesting I avoid mirrors entirely?”
“Not at all,” his father chuckled. “But remember: the danger lies not in seeing yourself, but in seeing only what others praise.”
He continued, “Or consider the phoenix, reborn from ashes. It’s not praised for its fire or flight but its resilience—its ability to rise again. That’s the kind of praise we should aim to give: celebrating the effort, not the feathers.”
“The phoenix, celebrated not for its fire or flight but for its resilience, teaches us that transformation is born of effort, not applause. Each rise from the ashes is a testament to persistence—a lesson as relevant today as it was in ancient lore.”
From Labels to Liberation
As the afternoon sun began to dip, painting the lake in hues of gold and crimson, Selene turned to his father. “It sounds like praise, when done wrong, can trap people. But when done right, it frees them.”
The professor’s voice softened. “Exactly. When we praise someone for their effort, we give them the freedom to grow. We remind them that success isn’t a gift—it’s a garden, cultivated over time.”
He gestured to the shoreline, where a family was skipping stones. “In family life, this lesson is vital. Telling children they’re ‘good’ or ‘talented’ might seem kind, but it can weigh them down with expectations. Better to praise their curiosity, their kindness, their perseverance.”
“And in relationships?” Selene asked, his tone curious.
The professor chuckled. “Ah, love. It thrives not on labels but on understanding. Instead of saying, ‘You’re perfect,’ say, ‘I admire how hard you work to improve things.’ Praise the journey, not the destination.”
Resilience and Redemption
Selene cast his line one last time. “Father, what about setbacks? Doesn’t too much praise make people fragile?”
His father leaned back thoughtfully. “It can if it’s the wrong kind of praise. But resilience—ah, that’s the antidote. When we value effort and learning, setbacks become fuel for growth.”
“But what about when someone fails?” Selene asked, casting a thoughtful glance at the ripples in the water. “Isn’t it hard to praise effort when there’s no success?”
“Ah,” his father replied, the oar dipping gently into the lake, “but failure is part of the journey. When effort is recognized, failure transforms into a lesson. You might say, ‘This challenge is testing you, but look how much you’ve learned already.’ It’s like fishing—even when the line is empty, each cast teaches you something new.”
Selene nodded. “So, it’s not about the fish you catch, but the skill you build?”
“Precisely,” his father said with a glint in his eye. “And the stories you carry back with you.”
He shared a story from his own life. “I once failed spectacularly at an academic conference. The critiques felt brutal, but they were a gift in disguise. They taught me to listen, adapt, and come back stronger. That’s the kind of resilience we need to foster.”
Selene reeled in his line, smiling. “So, praise isn’t just about making people feel good. It’s about helping them grow.”
His father nodded. “Exactly. True praise is a compass, not a crutch. It points the way forward, but the journey is theirs.”
Casting the Final Line
As they rowed back to shore, the professor’s voice grew reflective. “Selene, remember this: Praise is powerful but also delicate. Like the ripples on this lake, it can either expand or fade, depending on its delivery.”
Selene smiled, his mind turning over the day’s lessons. “I’ll remember, Father. Praise the effort, not the feathers. Celebrate the climb, not the pedestal.”
The professor laughed. “You’ve got it, my boy. And when you find yourself praised, remember to keep rowing. There’s always more to explore.”
The boat reached the dock just as the sun slipped below the horizon, leaving the lake bathed in twilight.
“Selene, here’s something to ponder,” he said, his voice thoughtful yet warm. “When you cast your line into life’s waters, how will you balance praise with wisdom—celebrating effort while nurturing resilience? That, my son, is the delicate art of guiding others and ourselves toward growth.”
As they stepped onto solid ground, both father and son carried a newfound understanding of praise—a lesson as vast and deep as the waters of Mystery Lake.
If this fishing for truth has stirred a question or sparked your curiosity—whether a deliberate thought or a fleeting idea—know there is always more to explore. Keep learning, and stay curious. Together, we will uncover more profound insights and discover new paths.
Happy reading!
List of Principal Sources
- Henderlong, Jennifer, and Mark R. Lepper. The Effects of Praise on Children’s Intrinsic Motivation: A Review and Synthesis. Published in Psychological Bulletin, September 2002. Accessed at: ResearchGate.
- Morriss-Kay, Gillian M. The Evolution of Human Artistic Creativity. Published in Journal of Anatomy, vol. 216, 2010, pp. 158–176. Department of Physiology, Anatomy, and Genetics, University of Oxford, UK.
- Dweck, Carol S. Mindset: The New Psychology of Success. Random House, New York, 2006.
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